I started school this week and its a relief for me, because it gets me out of the house for a while. I am annoyed with a lot of stuff that's going on in my life. Mostly I am getting to a point in my life where I am trying to separate myself from the people in my life since as you guys have gathered really don't care, and its sad to say the following but in this world you have to look out for yourself, and as I've discovered recently its okay to be selfish, its actually best to be selfish in order to get yourself ahead, because in the end all you have is you. I once got a fortune cookie a few years back that said:
"First love and last love self love."
At the time I didn't know what a journey this fortune would send me through. A lot of people made fun of me for the message I received in the cookie, but it was hard for me to be selfish at the time, now however as lonely and upsetting as it sounds I have to move on, and not look back. I spent so much of my life and productivity looking back, and holding myself back that I forgot about my well being. I've come to terms that I might stay alone the rest of my life, and I'm starting to accept that. I am also starting to come to terms that I'll be okay if I move on but I can't stay doing the same thing over and over again, and repeating history with different variables because I know that the outcome will never be the same.
I started making changes in my life. I hacked off my hair. I cut off a foot of hair, and I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I don't know why I didn't do it sooner.
Right after I did it last week!
I did go to a salon to get it dyed and straightened out, and I felt great about myself because I had done it for myself. I like the change because it doesn't hold me down as much as long hair did hold me down aesthetically. I think I look great and in turn that makes me feel great. My best friend had been telling me that I would be fine if I cut it off and last week she finally convinced me and held my hand while I did it. Best . Decision. Ever.
I am also actively applying to schools to transfer to and the farther away they are the better for me. I like the idea of starting over with a new mentality and that's coming up soon so I look forward to it.