Saturday, February 14, 2015

Used too

I can't handle but feel that in another life we would of been perfect for each other. Maybe in another time or another place or another planet we would of been perfect, but things are different I am not who I used to be six or seven years ago hell I'm not who I used to be a month ago and I'm okay with that. I'm learning to adapt to this transition. I know I speak a lot about how I have been in a transition phase and I never started to transition with my life until now. This is the end of a very important chapter and the beginning of something new. Its odd because I always seem to catch the ending of my chapters but never the beginning of my chapters in my life. I have a lot to look forward too. I also have a lot to work hard for and that's a good thing.



Hello everyone.

First of all happy new year! May all the things you asked for this year happen to you. I've been busy doing nothing. I did get into a car accident the day after christmas and I've been having a hard time the past month of december however I am so glad that 2014 is done, because I had a terrible year. I feel like I have put my entire life on pause the past four years and I don't really know where I am going. Now that I've realized that I do have a right to voice out what I feel and say what I have to say I am confused and I realize that there are things that I am scared of saying and doing, because I haven't done them throughout my life.

I started seeing someone to help me out with my anxiety issues and so far we've gotten that my anxiety issues for the most part are traced back to my job, and I know I should look for something different, because at one point in my life I was very happy with what I did for a living, but lately I feel like I'm no longer content with what I do, and the more I have to go to my job the more anxiety I feel. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't do anything just knowing that I have to go to work the next day or in a few hours, but at the same time I'm anxious about not having an income and that stresses me out a lot.

I have an odd feeling though as of the end of last year I feel like things are going to change this year I feel like everything I ever wanted and have worked for is finally going to start rewarding me for my hard work.  I don't think that this is me being an optimist I feel like this is me being a realist.


Saturday, December 6, 2014


So I finally got my purchases back from one of my family members and my tunic that I got at Little India was with those purchases. I was finally able to wear it today. It is ridiculously comfortable and I feel that it was one of the best things I've purchased this year. This was also the first time that I wore my Star Wars x Vans shoes out it was exciting. Today was the final rehearsal for Angel Street by Patrick Hamilton directed by me. I feel really comfortable about my actors and how we are going to do this showcase. At first I was really worried however now I'm not too concerned because I have professionals and I've done all I could do even though I wanted to do all of it I'm fine with just doing one scene.  Hopefully someday if my professor decides to do the entire play I will be chosen to be the co director with her.
Its final season and I'm almost done with all of my finals I just have to get through tuesday and the semester will be over for me. I hope it all goes well this is the first time in a really long time that I have some time off. I feel like I'm always so busy and its always a struggle to keep going, but knowing that I like doing a lot of stuff I enjoy makes it all better.

Monday, December 1, 2014


I am crazy, and I'm okay with that. I laugh in the middle of the night because I just remembered something funny from days ago. I bought a bear because it smelled like strawberries and at night when I am having an anxiety attack I smell the strawberries and distract myself from my anxiety. I have a dumbo plushy and every time someone walks into my room I say: "Why because there's an elephant in the room?" Then I laugh hysterically at myself. There is air in my lungs and I can breathe (this means a lot to me.) I have this group of people who I want to consider my friends, and even if in a couple of years we all go our separate ways I enjoy their honesty. I don't have to worry about them saying anything behind my back because they will say it to my face even if its not pretty. My siblings understand me and enjoy making fun of my parents with me. My parents only encourage me to be myself even though they think I am completely crazy. Most days I look like I came out of an asylum and everyone I know is completely fine with that. I listen to good music. I have amazing company. The people who I interact with are usually left with a good impression of me and I hope that they have a good day after me, because the world is already hard enough. I haven't been depressed in a year or so, and if I have I can call someone to take me on a drive to McDonalds to get ice cream, and just have a good time with. When I'm tired I have people who tell me to go to sleep even though I have a million things to do, and they tell me to go to sleep that the million things will still be there when I wake up. I have food in my refrigerator,  and I don't have to go hungry. It's all of these little things that get me by and I don't write or talk about them enough, and I should I should be as happy as I am now writing all of the things I have instead of constantly thinking of all the things I don't.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hope that you all are doing well. I've been well lately. I am trying to study really hard for all of my finals which explains my long absence. Expect a long post soon on all of my adventures. Meanwhile enjoy the song of the week:

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Song of the week (more of like the month)

As most of you know I have been obsessed with Capsule these past few months. Here is a song I think you would all enjoy.


I finally found a Parka that I love!

This year I once again went on a search for the perfect parka and I think I finally found it! I recently bought a military green parka from Topshop. I first saw it on Cara Delevingne, and I fell in love with it. However I had to once again this year buy a variation of it but I think that this parka finally suits me. I feel like the past three or four year I buy the same damn parka and its never what I want and usually I buy what I like to call the "Bargain Parka" because it is cheaper but then a year later my poor Bargain Parka has more holes than I can sew and you can see the stitching all over and even those are ripping at the seams, so this year I decided to really invest in a parka that would last me a lot longer so I bought a variation of the parka that I thought I had become and I find myself madly in love with it because it keeps me really warm and at the end of the day that's what a coat is about. I ended up buying this coat (Pictures are from Topshop.)

By the way I am madly in love with the Alexander Wang x H&M Collection. I will post further reviews as I get more of it during the following days.