Saturday, December 6, 2014

OOTD DECEMBER 6, 2014


So I finally got my purchases back from one of my family members and my tunic that I got at Little India was with those purchases. I was finally able to wear it today. It is ridiculously comfortable and I feel that it was one of the best things I've purchased this year. This was also the first time that I wore my Star Wars x Vans shoes out it was exciting. Today was the final rehearsal for Angel Street by Patrick Hamilton directed by me. I feel really comfortable about my actors and how we are going to do this showcase. At first I was really worried however now I'm not too concerned because I have professionals and I've done all I could do even though I wanted to do all of it I'm fine with just doing one scene.  Hopefully someday if my professor decides to do the entire play I will be chosen to be the co director with her.
Its final season and I'm almost done with all of my finals I just have to get through tuesday and the semester will be over for me. I hope it all goes well this is the first time in a really long time that I have some time off. I feel like I'm always so busy and its always a struggle to keep going, but knowing that I like doing a lot of stuff I enjoy makes it all better.
-Fatima

Monday, December 1, 2014

Things

I am crazy, and I'm okay with that. I laugh in the middle of the night because I just remembered something funny from days ago. I bought a bear because it smelled like strawberries and at night when I am having an anxiety attack I smell the strawberries and distract myself from my anxiety. I have a dumbo plushy and every time someone walks into my room I say: "Why because there's an elephant in the room?" Then I laugh hysterically at myself. There is air in my lungs and I can breathe (this means a lot to me.) I have this group of people who I want to consider my friends, and even if in a couple of years we all go our separate ways I enjoy their honesty. I don't have to worry about them saying anything behind my back because they will say it to my face even if its not pretty. My siblings understand me and enjoy making fun of my parents with me. My parents only encourage me to be myself even though they think I am completely crazy. Most days I look like I came out of an asylum and everyone I know is completely fine with that. I listen to good music. I have amazing company. The people who I interact with are usually left with a good impression of me and I hope that they have a good day after me, because the world is already hard enough. I haven't been depressed in a year or so, and if I have I can call someone to take me on a drive to McDonalds to get ice cream, and just have a good time with. When I'm tired I have people who tell me to go to sleep even though I have a million things to do, and they tell me to go to sleep that the million things will still be there when I wake up. I have food in my refrigerator,  and I don't have to go hungry. It's all of these little things that get me by and I don't write or talk about them enough, and I should I should be as happy as I am now writing all of the things I have instead of constantly thinking of all the things I don't.
-Fatima

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hope that you all are doing well. I've been well lately. I am trying to study really hard for all of my finals which explains my long absence. Expect a long post soon on all of my adventures. Meanwhile enjoy the song of the week:
-Fatima

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Song of the week (more of like the month)

As most of you know I have been obsessed with Capsule these past few months. Here is a song I think you would all enjoy.


 -Fatima

I finally found a Parka that I love!

This year I once again went on a search for the perfect parka and I think I finally found it! I recently bought a military green parka from Topshop. I first saw it on Cara Delevingne, and I fell in love with it. However I had to once again this year buy a variation of it but I think that this parka finally suits me. I feel like the past three or four year I buy the same damn parka and its never what I want and usually I buy what I like to call the "Bargain Parka" because it is cheaper but then a year later my poor Bargain Parka has more holes than I can sew and you can see the stitching all over and even those are ripping at the seams, so this year I decided to really invest in a parka that would last me a lot longer so I bought a variation of the parka that I thought I had become and I find myself madly in love with it because it keeps me really warm and at the end of the day that's what a coat is about. I ended up buying this coat (Pictures are from Topshop.)
-Fatima

By the way I am madly in love with the Alexander Wang x H&M Collection. I will post further reviews as I get more of it during the following days.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

From the bottom of a staircase to the middle of the road.

I found my first love at the bottom of a staircase. This love was pure, and taken for granted. He was reckless, hurt, and I thought I could change him. When you first fall in love you don't have any limits. You don't hold yourself back you love the other person like a fool and you will always lose this love because it is your first one. My love didn't last long however the pain of this love always remained. One of the last conversations I had with this person was when him telling me:

"Hit me it will make you feel better," he said spreading his arms out in his camo jacket he moved his feet with his red converse shoes so that they lined up with his shoulders. He stood up straight waiting to take the hit. I stood there contemplating actually hitting him then it hit me. I looked at him and said:

"Won't it hurt more if I didn't," and I walked away. He followed me for a while screaming about me hitting him and all I could say was: "It hurts more if I don't." He was the most persistent of my exes. For years I would be the one who got away for him, and the ex girlfriend who would always be intertwined fates with him. The last conversation I had with him and this was the absolute last time I talked to him he told me he was going to have a kid and that he and I should get together and stay together because I knew that we were meant to be together. Many years had already passed since we dated and I said:  "Stop running away. Stop blaming others for your decisions. I warned you that this would happen for years and if you didn't listen to me you aren't going to listen to anyone. " I saw him a few times after that, but I no longer had the will to deal with him. They say love lasts exactly seven years, because it takes seven years for you to shed your old skin and your old thoughts you become a new person in seven years. My love for him withered and died on the bottom of that staircase.

My second love appeared out of thin air before I knew it he had come into my life and I had no idea how he got there. He was kind, gentle, and understanding, but most of all he was my friend and he understood that I didn't want anything else. He was my friend for a year before he said anything about having feelings deeper than friendship for me. Since my last love did not end well at all I had built a fortress around my feelings. I was scared. You spend most of your second love scared and always guarding your feelings before even considering the other person's feelings. When he told me that he had feelings for me I became angry. Mainly I was angry at myself for leading him on then I grew angry at him for not saying anything. He always waited for me and it felt like he waited for me the entire relationship, but it also felt like I was always solving his problems and after a while life happened. He was insecure, and I was much more insecure and our insecurities drove us apart. I never really got over this love, and I've accepted that I never really will get over this love because our love was so incomplete that it made us complete.

"I feel like since we've been together you've closed yourself to me, and before we were together you were always so open with me and everyone and now since we've been together you've locked yourself away from me and from everyone but mainly from me," he said.

"I can't open myself to you," I said. " I feel like you have so many problems and I am a burden," and you never listened.

I don't really know how my third love happened all I know is that your third love is like a car crash. He was just a guy who I knew and copied my chemistry homework, and then it became a whirlwind. This love was very ill fated and toxic because I couldn't get enough and it was short. Your third love is confusing because you have yourself to deal with and you've learned that you have to take into consideration the other person and balancing these things always causes great confusion. It was ill fated from the start everyone we knew was against the relationship and we went for it anyway. We broke up quickly yet we still acted like a couple, and I guess I should of known it would of ended badly but at the time I was starting to feel optimistic about life and didn't want to drag down my relationship with it.  Like all things it ended after dragging on for a year. It ended with him figuring me out.

"I guess this (character) really made a mark on you," he said.

"I don't want to talk about this (character)," I said.

"Why not?" he said.

"Because I don't," I said.

"Did he know of your fear of heights?"

"No," I said.

"I guess he really did break you. I thought I could fix you, but now I see what everyone said about you. You love him too much to let him go and that is why you will never be able to love anyone else." He said.

He left me standing in the middle of the road, and I never saw him again.

-Fatima